NONE OF US HAD ANY IDEA HOW BIG THIS WOULD GET.

At first, Coronavirus was just something we needed to be aware of. It was something that was happening to other people, in another country.  Not something that would ever actually have a real effect on us.

Now, just a few months later, the entire world feels like a warped movie. A movie where planes have been grounded, borders have closed, cruise ships have docked, and trains have stopped.

Where offices, restaurants, bars and cafes have closed, and the likes of Times Square and the Champs-Élysées are eerily empty. A movie where sport around the world has come to a complete halt – from local neighbourhood competitions to every national league. And the 2020 Olympics will not go ahead. Where convention centres have turned into makeshift hospitals, and where ice rinks are being transformed into temporary morgues.

A movie where people aren’t allowed out of their houses, and are ordered to avoid contact with each other.

THE IMPACT OF COVID-19

There is no other way to say this. The social and economical impact of COVID-19 will undoubtedly be the worst we have ever seen, and probably will ever see in our lifetime.

There will be hundreds of thousands of people around the world wondering how they will make it through, and my heart breaks for them.

THE ONLY ANTIDOTE TO THE VIRUS, IT SEEMS, IS SOCIAL ISOLATION…. AND MAKE NO MISTAKE. FOR MANY PEOPLE, THIS CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE.

For every person, this virus will have a different effect. For many, it means job losses and financial distress. For some, it means saying goodbye to a loved one far too soon. For others, it will mean battling the most challenging mental health issues they have had to face yet.

For others, it will mean something less serious, but important nonetheless.

For Jordan and I, this virus means the end of our move to Europe. I know that sounds trivial. Many people have it a lot worse, I recognise that.

But for us, this trip was so much more than a just a holiday.

SIX MONTHS. TWENTY COUNTRIES. COUNTLESS CITIES. AND THE CHANCE TO LIVE IN MACEDONIA AND CONNECT TO JORDAN’S MOTHERLAND IN A WAY THAT WE MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO DO AGAIN.

It took one year of planning, hours upon hours of researching and saving tens of thousands of dollars.

We rented our house out.

We moved in with my in-laws.

Jordan quit his job.

I took unpaid leave and hired someone to take my role.

Every sacrifice and investment we made strengthened the emotional connection we had to this trip… to this dream.  We were counting down the days.

And then, slowly but surely, Coronavirus came closer to home – literally and figuratively.  It became something that could impact us in a way we weren’t prepared to face yet.

As the news worsened, day by day, we started to realise the inevitable. 

FACING REALITY

It didn’t happen quickly. At first, we thought maybe we would have to reschedule Italy to the end of our trip. At that point, it was just Milan that was affected.

Then the virus spread. Countries all over Europe became red zones, borders started to close and people were going into lock-down. Eventually, I resigned myself to the fact we might have to leave a month or two later, and I would need to reschedule everything. After the hours that went into planning and booking, that was hard enough to face.

Then the virus spread to our shores, and before long, the Prime Minister put a ban on travel, and said that these measures could last six months.

AND MY HEART SANK.

Jordan’s resignation letter was in.

Tenants had already made our house their home.

Jordan’s family in Macedonia were ready to welcome us with open arms.

My bag was packed and I was due to finish work in a week.

And when Scott Morrison said those words, I knew that we would not be leaving on April 6th. Then I realised, maybe we wouldn’t be leaving at all.

AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY, THAT WAS A VERY HARD PILL TO SWALLOW.

Over the next couple of weeks, time went by in a strange blur. We started working from home. Gyms closed, restaurants shut down, the lines started forming outside Centrelink and life as we all knew it was changing in ways we could never have anticipated.

THE WAVE OF EMOTION

Then on Friday morning, when I sat at my new home desk, I realised that it should have been my last day of work followed by celebratory drinks with colleagues that night. And I finally came to terms with the reality of our situation… of the world’s situation.

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, I CRIED.

I cried for the hundreds of thousands of people left jobless and the devastating impact it will have on families across the globe.

For the people, who after years of hard work building their businesses, will have to close the doors, maybe never to open them again.

I cried for the brides and grooms that have to postpone their big day, and for the people wondering when they’ll see their long distance lovers again.

For the people who are wondering when, or even if, they’ll see their elderly or sick relatives again, and for those who will have to say goodbye to loved ones early. And even more so, I cried for the people who will have to miss funerals because of the necessary, but heartbreaking, social distancing measures which stipulate that only ten people are allowed.

AND THIS IS HARDER TO ADMIT… BUT I CRIED SILENT, SELFISH TEARS FOR JORDAN AND I. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT PEOPLE HAVE IT SO MUCH WORSE ALL ACROSS THE WORLD, IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT THE END OF OUR OWN DREAM TRIP DOESN’T HURT.

I cried as I cancelled our bookings, one by one, in a slow and painful process that hurt a hell of a lot more than I could have anticipated.

And finally, I cried as I unpacked my suitcase that was lying open on the spare room floor. As I hung my new summer dresses in the wardrobe, put away our new camera bag and equipment, and finally, as I zipped up the suitcase, and put it away in the corner.

And these tears were perhaps the worst, because they burned with guilt. How could I be so upset over my own situation, when others are burying their dead?

And I know there are other upset travellers, and devastated brides who feel the same as I do and may be too ashamed to admit that they too, are hurting deep inside.

But, like all emotions, we cannot help them. We need to acknowledge them so we can move forward.

After all, we cannot wallow in self-pity forever… that is not helpful or productive.

THE SILVER LIVING

So what can I do, what can any of us do, when the whole world is shrouded in anxiety and uncertainty?

We can focus on the silver lining…

BECAUSE THERE IS ALWAYS A SILVER LINING.

We can thank God that the earth is having a break. That the skies can breathe without the planes and the seas can have reprieve from the ships. The rivers and canals are running clear and across many countries all over the world, the fog of pollution has lifted.

The reduction in economic activity has led to a dramatic decrease in the use of fossil fuels, and carbon emissions have fallen by incredible rates.

Will these positive environmental effects be long lasting? We don’t know yet. But regardless, Mother Earth is getting a well-deserved break, and God knows she needs it.

FOR THIS, I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL.

And we can appreciate what we do have now, in this moment. For me, that is my health. It is a beautiful house to live in, a loving and supporting family and a husband who makes me laugh and laugh even though I am in a world of pain. It’s also wonderful, modern day technology which helps me keep in touch with family and friends far away. I am lucky to still have a job and be getting paid. I’m not wondering how I will make ends meet, and for that I am grateful.

And perhaps even more so than that, we can learn to appreciate, on a far deeper level, the life that we normally lead… of the little things, that we may not have right now, but we will have again. And when we do, we won’t be taking them for granted.

Sitting with a friend at a café, drinking coffee under the Sydney sun.

Celebrating the end of a big, successful work week over a glass of wine with colleagues.

The anticipation of finals time in the footy.

The ability to go and see loved ones interstate without border controls.

The weddings, birthdays, christenings and graduations that bring us together and fill us with joy and love.

The opportunity to get on a plane, and visit a far off land… to experience a new culture, a new language and a new way of life.

And perhaps the most important one… we will appreciate the comfort of social interaction and being around other people. The feeling of a big, warm hug with someone you love and cherish.

ALL THESE THINGS THAT WE DON’T HAVE RIGHT NOW… BUT WE WILL HAVE AGAIN.

And for that day, we must wait. We must wait patiently, and responsibly, in order to slow this virus down so we can relish in those perfect moments again.

Because the world is full of magic... and while it’s a little hard to see right now, we will see it again.

And when we do, it will be even more wonderful than we remembered.